Troll Confronted With Own Mortality- Still Tweets @LaurenDuca Anyway

David pauses for a second, a faraway look in his eyes.

One can hardly blame him for taking a moment. I had just asked the 32 year-old if he realized he was mortal, and that his time on this earth was very limited. Indeed, the American male only lives for an average lifespan of 78.74 years. Already past his prime, David (or @MenzRightz2828 as he’s known on Twitter) only has a meager 46.49 years left to his name. That’s if he’s lucky. He’s an average looking guy, brown hair, decent sense of style. Like a young Jeffrey Dahmer.

Continue reading →

Advertisements

Last Minute Gifts From Your Closet For That One Person You Keep Forgetting

We’ve all been there. It’s a week before Christmas, and you can watch smugly as those nearest and dearest to you scramble for last minute gifts. As sweat breaks out over their upper lip in a checkout line somewhere, you can metaphorically sit back and smile, having done all of your holiday shopping on time and under budget.

Then it hits you- What about Rebecca? Sure, you don’t know each other well, she just sits in the next cubicle over, but she DID drop you a card and a cupcake on your birthday. Your eyes widen. Your butthole clenches. That BITCH is gonna give you a freakin’ christmas present, and you haven’t done a THING.

Continue reading →

Canadian Woman Tries To Convince America To Just, Like, CHILL

The microphone emits a single jaw-clenching note, and echoes throughout the dark cavernous room.

Standing behind it, nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot, is Erin McDonald. The 31 year old Hamilton native hadn’t expected such a turn out- I mean, ALL of America in ONE room?- and yet, here they all were, quietly waiting. Her plan had been simple: talk to America, and tell them to just ‘chill out’. When pressed on why, she shrugs, “They seem confused, I thought I could help.”

Continue reading →

How To Pretend You Know All About Art

Art is tricky.

It’s not usually an issue in our day to day, but every once in awhile a particular event or random run-in can result in looking at, and often talking about, art.

I’m talking paint on canvas, sculptures, and ready-mades here, people.

There’s a common conception that art can somehow impart emotions and opinions, which is weird because most of the time they don’t even light up or explode or anything. And yet who among us has not been caught with our metaphorical pants down when asked that pesky question of, “I dunno…What do YOU see?”

Continue reading →